I've known that I wanted to become a doctor for as long as I can remember. Like most medical students, I loved science and was fascinated with how the human body worked. The fact that I could also help other people when they couldn't help themselves made this job my dream job. I didn't know anyone from my school who went to medical school, but I diligently researched all that I had to do in my four years of college to make me a competitive medical school applicant. I wrote down goals that I needed to accomplish each year (start a research project by sophomore year, volunteer beginning in freshman year, join two clubs, become an officer, etc. ) and I checked up on them frequently .
Also like most medical students, school and grades were not something I struggled with. In fact, I didn't have a single doubt (stay with me, :P ) until I would make visits back home from college where people say things like:
"Are you still Pre-med?"
"Oh, "so and so" was a so smart and that college chemistry was just too hard. It's okay to change"
"What's your back up plan?"
"Well you must not have taken Chemistry yet"
"Oh you actually took the MCAT?" - - that one was asked in a public restroom chit chat
On the drives back to Lincoln I would think about their words and let the doubt creep into my mind. And then I remembered that I wasn't "so and so" or "their friend's daughter who tried premedicine" or any other person they know.
So what made this a different story? What made it different than any other smart student wanting to become a doctor from a small town?
Good study skills will get you far and are the foundation in this career path, but serious discipline will help you reach your goals. This is true for all of the medical students I've been surrounded with. If there's two things we have in common, it's that we know how to study efficiently and that we are incredibly disciplined.
This type of discipline doesn't just mean "working hard." It involves a lot of sacrifice. For all the happiness I share on this blog, I haven't shared the hard times because I never would want to seem ungrateful for this opportunity. Everyone's experience was different, but here's a little of what mine entailed.
First and second year of medical school I would wake up at 5:00-6:00 a.m. and study (literally all day all hours) some nights until 10:00 p.m. Some days would end at 7:00p.m. and some days would be longer. I would break for a workout, but other then that, it was all day every day. No time to complain and no time to stop working, because the fear of failing or falling behind was constantly on my mind. This took the greatest toll on my mental health, as one could imagine. Too many mental breakdowns that I would ever care to admit happened these first two years. My main joy was counting the days until Friday night when Jake and I would go out to eat and I would leave my office! I hardly saw my family, and I constantly felt guilty not keeping up with friends and not attending family events. Or even when I did attend events, my nose would be in a book a good deal of the time.
Time flew by and I was released from my prison cell (my office) by third year. We moved downtown to be closer to Jake's work and closer to the hospital. Third year was full of different specialty rotations (check out dayinthelife posts here) and each month offered something new. The hours of course were still long, but I finally was able to interact with patients! For an introvert like me who hates awkward situations, every day offered baseline anxiety. You never knew what you were going to be asked to do that day, the personalities of the people you were working with (and some people are intimidating), or if you were going to get paired with a cranky resident you may unintentionally annoy. You also had to give short speeches every morning on rounds that you barely had memorized and then were quizzed on in front of families and colleagues about your medical knowledge. (I'm sweating just thinking about the first couple months of having to do that!) It got a little easier, but I won't lie, the baseline flutter in my stomach never went away.
And then fourth year arrived. It was time to choose what type of doctor I wanted to continue to train to become: Family Medicine, Pediatrics, Anesthesiology, Surgery, OB/GYN, etc. Applying for residencies and traveling across the country to different major medical hospitals was not bad compared to the last four years! (Post about this here) . I continued to rotate through different clinical rotations each month including more with anesthesiology. Finally, I felt like a normal person again. I did not have regular tests to prepare for each month, and I could revisit hobbies I had before medical school! I had more time to do things that I wanted to do, go places, see people, and choose how I spent my time.
This brings us to now.
This is a huge investment, and I'm not done. I've devoted my 20s to intensely studying medicine, making it the #2 priority (behind family) in my daily life. I've invested as much money as some dream homes cost at 7% interest in my student loans. I've given blood, sweat, tears, time with my family and my friends, sleep, weddings, birthdays, and my hobbies (all with a smile on my face in fear of seeming ungrateful) so that I can be there for other people. I've learned the real definition of what it means to work hard and be disciplined. I've been pushed to my limits, pushed past my limits, and have constantly been told I need to be better.
I'm so grateful for the support and understanding I've received from all of my family and friends. Jake has been there for me every day and has always encouraged me and picked me back up when I needed it. I can't describe how grateful I am for his support, his flashcard quizzes, his massive breakfasts before tests at 6 a.m., the numerous dinners he's made, and just being available for me at all times.
I never questioned if this was the right decision for me. I have always known this is exactly what I was meant to do, and if you have that same passion that will drive you forward in the hard days (and there are many) and you are willing to make the sacrifices, then you can do it too. I am not naive, and I know the next four years of residency training will not be easy either, but I am excited and hopeful for the future. I'm excited to take care of patients, use the skills I've learned the last four years, and continue to learn.
XOXO
Dr. Bell
For more posts about medical school click here .