It's been one year since they started calling me Dr. Bell.
In twelve short months I've experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows that I've ever felt. It's been the worst year of my life because I lost my dad, and the hardest year of my life when you add my job as an intern on top of it. However, I can't deny that I've also experienced some of the most wonderful parts of life and blessings through my job and the other residents I work with who quickly became some of my dearest friends.
I've worked 80 hours a week many weeks (we are capped at 80 hrs/week, but I've definitely gone over a couple times) and 28 hour shifts (but really 30 hours, we are capped at 28 hour shifts). Some people ask if it's weird when people call me "Dr." now, but after all of those hours of doctoring, I don't find it weird at all. In between all of that, I've driven hundreds of miles back and forth visiting my sick dad, and then to be near my mom while we all still suffer from grief. My other hours I filled reading books to prepare for my last boards exam or to study for my job in general, and then plenty of fiction books too (of course!).
The medicine, of course has been fun and rewarding. I've always had support from attending physicians, but have had a lot of autonomy working as well (especially alone when I'm the only resident working in house on call). I've been in ICUs, the emergency room, the general medicine floor. I've taken care of surgery patients postoperatively, I've taken night call for just about all of the surgery patients in the hospital a few nights (that was something I prefer not to do again, talk about overwhelming) . There's been liver failure, heart failure, kidney failure, lung failure, strokes, epilepsy, many cancers, blood clotting too easy, blood clotting not easy enough....ok I can't just list all the diseases that exist so....
I've reported to the emergency room alone as the only surgery resident when a patient clotted off his entire aorta (legs purple and cold for a visual...don't worry, I quickly called for backup), same for a man leaking pus after going home from a procedure where he had his esophagus taken out, ruled out tons of chest pain workups, cared for heart attacks, been in traumas and codes, met people off the helicopters for brain bleeds or strokes, placed breathing tubes in people who've lost their airways, operated on voice boxes with the tiniest tools imaginable, had pus leak from anuses onto my shoes (it happens ok), placed lines for dialysis, answered the phones for surgery patients calling in with questions for a doctor, and pulled glass and random things out of people's eyes.
I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea reading this, most of my hours and hours this year as an intern have been more mundane than that. This includes typing orders and prescription and doing hours and hours of paperwork daily, checking in on patients and small talking while they are almost healed up, writing notes, ordering things for my patients in the charts, playing phone tag with my teammates (other doctors, nursing, pharmacy, nutrition, PT, OT, social work, nursing homes, patient family members), writing more notes, and last but not least, the rounding. Hours and hours of rounding on patients! PS did I mention writing notes? I've forgotten to eat, sleep, bathe, exercise probably too many times this year. But I will try to be better next year!
I've taken care of some of the sickest people alive, and countless grandparents, parents, and loved ones. I've shut many of the newly dead's eyes. I've cried with patients, I've cried alone, I cried in the bathroom over an attending lecturing at me that my staples were in the wrong position for our patient lists after my 24 hour shift, I've cried when patients say things my dad says, .... ok, I've cried a lot this year.
I've loved deeper. I've found God in the darkest of places and quite literally the dead of the night. I've witnessed Him burn things to the ground in my life and others' and I've seen His faithfulness while he forced me to find what's important and what was a distraction. After the last twelve months, I know a lot more about medicine, and a lot more about life.
My intern year is over, and I'm not going back. My anesthesiology life has become so much better, and more rewarding than I thought possible.
I can't wait for what's to come, I have the greatest job in the world!
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For more: 2018 year in review // day in the life posts from intern year rotations, // resident's shopping list necessities